optimistic,

my past

my future?

this is a tough decision to make. i felt like crying my tears out when mama & papa wants me & Alvin back together. what has Alvin done? he didnt even attend th dinner w us, why still choose him? he didnt even made an effort to send me safely home when we go out instead he asked me to go back myself late at night. y'know my place is deserted & quiet yet he didnt show any care. why him? i dont understand my parents. i dont understand them like i should. this is my future, not yours. why must you make th decision fr me? its really unfair. Alvin has stabbed me from behind more than what you think okay. its gonna be a year past, still, did he convert? N O ! what does that show you huh? he is still better is it? if you think he can takecare of me in th future, il really kill myself if i were to get married w him. i swear to God i wanna live life w someone else. sometimes you make life so difficult fr me by making me think all sorts of positive things just to make me go back to Alvin. why uh? i know my past w him made you think he can be th one. sorry to say, he cant even takecare of himself. Alvin could give everything & anything fr me. about money, is really no problem. but think. does his money mean he loves me? please dont let me suffer. i dont want to anymore. Boyf sent this message to me which i totally disagree.
Him: "U wanna juz be frens?"
i felt my world went upside down. i felt like falling to th ground & stay there. i felt like dying okay ! me & you friends? N O ! i want us to be together like any other normal couples. in th other hand, i too want to make my parents happy. i dont want them to be disappointed. b, we're in a difficult situation + Alvin, we're in th patching up situation. will this gonna be th beginning of me & Alvin again or th end of me & Zai? FCUK !!! I DONT KNOW !!! i love Zai, but i miss Alvin. i want Zai, but i have to be w Alvin. this is super complicated. can anyone help, please? before i kill myself ):