optimistic,

i realise after a year has past, my life is useless. no use having so many friends but i cant have fun w them like my old days. fcuk my past, it destroyed everything. its meaningless now. i really feel that im not needed in this world anymore. all i can do now is to sit at home & envy those who spends their time outside while im at home doing nothing. ma, you said i shouldnt lie upon asking you th permission to go out w whoever i want, but i think it made me change my mind. whenever i say i wanna go out w some other guy, then tak kasi. like as if i wanna go fcuk w that guy. like wth? come on laah. your daughter isnt a slut. i know you both are scared th past would come haunting us again. i promise it wont. you think i got nothing better to do is it? dulu boleh uh, now i realise already pe. i think from now on, anakmu terpakse bohong kepada ibubapanye sendiri. ive got no other choice. this is th only way fr me to get out of my misery. & i cant even meet Alvin? explain why. hes th one _____, & you seem to make me go further away from him. i really dont understand what th world meant to me now. i even dont understand what th fcuk you want me to be. no difference fr me i guess, inside Girls Home & at home. macam jail juga kan? dont you think its th same? il be sweet 16 next year. i dont think il be having much fun. please make my life shorter cos i think i realise its meaningless. please God, grant my wish. let me sit by your side in heaven & spend it there happily w Muhd Alfy. dad, youre trying to make me feel good while youre actually making me hate you. why must my life be covered w lies? i dont want all this. i want you to know th truth, instead th truth isnt th best way at all. kau membuatku derhaka padamu.