optimistic,

ive told mama about Alvin. & one unexpected phrase she asked me, "serious kau nak putos hubungan ngn dier? kenapa?" i said uh what hes done all & you know what she said? "lelaki kann. you cant change them anyway. semua lelaki jahat. kau fikir bapak kau dulu tak pena uat mama macam gitu?" i was like (?) serious kepe. waliao. she stayed strong w my dad though. i cant laah. kimakk ! dier daa try ngn orang laen sia & hes only my first guy uh. sialaah. eeww, takleh aku. its just unexpected fr mama to say all that. i thought she would scream her heart out to me & ask me to forget Alvin. instead she actually asked me to stay? are you okay mama? seriously uh. ive made up my mind laaah. i wanna move on. i wanna find someone better. she has no objections anyway but still she doesnt really support =.=" like fcuk gitu. i wanna cry when someone called me & told me RIZDA PENA MAEN NGN ALVIN TIME DIER KELUAR NGN AHWAT SEMUA ! that was a month ago? i still remember where i were that point of time. i cried in th train while talking to her. everyone stopped & stared at me. i feel so weak & lost. i cant stop thinking. then she gave me some advices not to go back to him anymore, Alvin doesnt deserve a girl like me. so devoted & yet this is what i get? so fcuked. i wanna be like i was before. th girl who plays timer, th girl who shows no mercy to guys till i find someone who truly(s) love me w all his heart. i'd rather die fr my family rather than die fr a stupid guy. one wish; i want Alvin to realise how much pain he'd cost me throughout these 2years. theres a saying, th old will become new when you ignore. everyone changes, i know Alvin will. just that now, me & him are no longer together. thats all i can say. takecare.