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Thursday
I never took your advice,
-too headstrong to listen.
I never tried my best,
-too stupid to recognize.
I never heard the truth,
-too ignorant to believe.
I never thought ahead,
-too childish to know.
I never wait to talk,
-too emotional to control.
I never say, "I love you,"
-too stubborn to admit that...
"I love you, daddy."
; specially for my papa ____ (:
i havent been a good daughter, for some of you who kno's. people keep asking am i still w Alvin? yes i am. its gonna be our 18months anniversary. still going strong ok. so dont think we're giving up on everything. NO WAYYYY ! i love him more than anyone. nobody can tell how big it is, eventhough i abit 'gatal' outside. so what? does that have to mean anything? whatever laa eh. jealous kepe aku ngn kawan laki? kau boleh lek one corner isap jari suah. semua itu kawan. tak lebeh ok. sape yang makan cili, dier yang terase pedas laa. im not good at this, but im trying hard laa. im sad. why must my parents control me like a dog? cant i have friends? you asked me what i should not do; dont meet Alvin. so i didnt. & now? my friends? are you nuts or what? do you kno' how old i am? im 15 tau, i still need to have fun sakk ! takpelaa. lupekan. no use saying so much to you dad. im getting more & more fed up w you day by day. seriously. one day if something bad happens to me, il blame you cos you care TOO-MUCH !!!! im fed up. i just cant take it anymore. im wasting too much tears & time on all this. il make you satisfy, after everything is over. il leave forever never coming back. bcos i think my teenage life is not spent as i wanted. so when i get older. il be more rebellious than you think i can become. il never give up on what i want. sampai aku mati, aku takkan lepaskan segala-galanye. i never want to ask so much from you. but you are asking me for what i dont think i could. its IMPOSSIBLE for me to have NO-friends. "papa boleh uh dulu macam gitu. tapi skrg zaman ape? so young you expect me to have no friends? then jadi GILERR uh, kan lagi mulia." so UNREASONABLE sak !!!!! my friends wont do anything stupid to me laa. only idiots will. i never want to raise my fucking voice to him, but i only showed tears of disappointment & anger. i am unhappy w you, dad. teros terang. strictly speaking, you are an ____. im damn angry inside. but il pretend im happy ok. cos i kno' ive done wrong. if i speak out, i kno' you'll be disappointed. so il just keep it inside my heart. i cry all night thinking when will it end? when? i seriously cant take it anymore. my life has turned to a world of plain 4 walls. w nothing inside. im just a loner myself now. goodbye,
6:20 PM
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ELLY