optimistic,

its weird fr me to be blogging now but hey, guess im back to just pay a visit to my old dusty bloggie huh. heh. well, this is how i look now ever since i last blogged which i think it was like a year ago? lol. having a "wonderful" life now. met new people, experience new stuff, new environment. alahh everything new lah. haha. i wont be blogging much actually 'cause im very active in Twitter instead of other social networking pages like Facebook. too many politics & conflicts uh. i no loike~ oh well, life has been just as great as when im not w Alvin. haha. not much news about us y'see. just me & my complicated love life again - as usual. kkkk shall publish this post now & upload new pics on facebook. goodbye (:

when everyone else is asleep in de middle of th night, im still awake crying over the things im unhappy w. il pour everything out from this lil heart. no one will hear me screaming in pain. no one will notice im gone. i'd rather die in vain than die in pain. everything seems to be reality when out of a sudden i realized it was just a lie. i lived inside that lie & guess whats th best part? th best part is knowing th truth & has th urge to get a knife and stab you. nahhh ~ that part about th stabbing wouldnt happen. im human, everyone makes mistakes. everyone has got to move on. everyone has their own choice. everyone has a part to play in their lives. no human can control your life, your mind controls it. life is never fair, everyone agrees. life may be in sucha big mess but everything has a way out of it. nothing is impossible if we try hard enough. our lives was never planned, its written like a storybook. you read if after it happen. & when you come to think of it again, you avoid those mistakes again. promising not to repeat th past again because it was never worth getting hurt over th same thing. now that ive realized that life has got choices to choose from, i no longer would want to choose having high hopes on you anymore. that's all id asked fr.

when everyone says love makes th world go round, not everyone would agree. im here, spending some time to type out what has been trapped inside of me fr quite a long time. love sucks sometimes, maybe to some of us, its gonna end real badly. ive always thought settling down w th one i love would somehow bring peace. they wont understand this feeling cos they aint th one feeling it. first thought, you were an angel. you showered me w so much love & care. you gave me everything i wanted but why did you hurt me this way? this feeling sucks. you may think its just because of a bloody watch, but its not. its about th lies youve been covering just to make me happy. im not now, never will i ever again. a year has past, & i feel like a stupid bitch blinded by you. yeah, im not perfect either - not to you. this love story is going to be have an end soon. you & i have gone through so much through these days, months & years. im sorry to say but i think it was just a waste of our time. you were looking up to someone else each day, not to me, but to someone else. do you know how hurtful this is? this really sucks. you wouldnt understand, you wont. she can give you what i cant, then why should i even stay? theres a million reason to leave, but never will i make a single reason to stay after what youve done to me. its too much. you made me feel so empty. you made me cry, you made me embarrassed by what youve done. too many mistakes, im sick of th word sorry. slowly, il disappear & move on. im not fr you, stop assuming i am. you dont write my story, it has been set way earlier we were all born. i believe one day you'll meet someone else better than me, so do i. we're still not ready. i dont wish to put high hopes on you anymore. let time set us all free from our misery. as fr you dear 'pb'. tell your friend its not my fault. if i knew it from th first day you gave him, i would have given him hell. now, after a year has past, giving him hell wont change a thing. no words could describe how im feeling right now. you would kno maybe. yes, it hurts me same to you. im feeling th pinch too. well, as i said, there isnt any use if i were to yell at him now. il let him do what he wants. my feelings faded. its just not me anymore. th person who used to forgive him & forget whats past. no, i aint that person anymore. sorry to have hurt you but ive really got no intentions to. guys are never created to love only one. youngsters are meant to get hurt when it comes to love because we're too young to understand. if only i could turn back th time, i would have been happier. & if i had one wish, all that i could ask fr is happiness & peace. i wouldnt want to get hurt because im not feeling it slapping me anymore. i feel so numb now :/ i should move on, one day. if only that wouldnt have to a dream.